happy father's day!

"yes, jst me and my empuk blue pillow..eh i mean my ayah "


" cepat click pls, nak main bunga api. its my bday!"


"TZZZZZZZZZ....tzzzzzzzzzz....TZZZZZZZZZ.....tzzzzzzzzzz"


"laju ayah, laju lagi ayah, go!go!go!"


"klakar la uncle fyan buat expression muka ayah!"


happy father's day yg ( " ,)

me. myWeight and their comments

this is probably the toughest topic of crapping for me.
the one area where i am very sensitive of talking about
and after all these years,tears and fears of disappointment

im here to talk about me, my weight and their comments.
here it goes.

i guess the first time i realised i had an overweight issue was when i was 12 years old.
rizmey, fitri,rushdi and all them boys at school called me "63" because tht was my weight the teacher recorded in my std6 book.(remember those times that had that week of checking weight, kutu, teeth, etc)

then at swimmingClass my parents registered for both my lilBro and i, even before class started the instructor said i can never learn how to swim, not with that weight. I always thanked Allah for the other instructor who took the challenge.

i was so thankful i enjoyed secondary school, met great frends and still hv them.fullstop.

uni life was all about studying and making the grades. another life of mine which i enjoyed.

then the one thing i never thought would happen to me happend,
i fell in love.
for that instant moment,
i was thinking to myself,
hey even fat people can love and be loved.
it was tough maintaining the first love with constantly getting comments about hw fat you look in tht blouse, or how ugly my makeUp was or worst how ugly i make him look, by jst walking next to him.

the bit tht i knew wht i had was impossible to keep was the remark his mother pass to him after the first time i was introduced to her. She said that she will only hantar rombongan meminang after i loose some weight.

i left him.

then i joined Govt and thought, hey maybe i can serve and be patriotic to my country without joining the military. fat person can also make a difference.

but sure enough, during training itself i was not seen beyond my physical appearance.
infront of all my fellow traineeFrends, Encik Salim Parlan deliberately called out my name (and some others) and ask for BMI all because he got this instruction that all fat officers must loose weight immediately.

in fact thanks to him, im so scared tht someone from the Ministry where i am working now demands i either loose weight or leave.

i dont hate myself and i dont condone of being overweight as some sort of human right thing. i just hate wht people has made me feel about myself, pathethic.

yes, being fat is not healthy.
it contributes to all diseases and sickness.

being fat made me tell rafek before marrying me,
tht i might not be able to give him zuriat,
and if at tht point if he backs off, i will try to respect that (ida, remember this ? sadla kan?)

anyways, wht i want to say is,
criticism is something tht sticks to ones mind
and sadly for some,
it doesnt go away at all.

and worst, for others it decreases the motivation to liveLife/moveOn/held your head up high..ultilmately it tricks the mind to think that there is no such happy ending for fat people so settling with wht is there is good enough. :(

after watching "mualaf",
everynite before i sleep,
i forgive all those who have ever hurt me
(its just the forgetting part im having touble with.)

im sorry but there is no eppy note to end this.
jst didnt feel like it.

Oh Penang! Oh Pindah!

nothing beats a long holiday after a buzy month(s)..
(buerrgghh still lowEnergyDrive..hehe)

after the geneva mayhem, the wellOrganized trip to Penang finally came.
a roadtrip-wedding-holidayBer3! woot woot!!

Of course what is a plan without it having changed a number of times! hehe...

we had additional passengers (my sis Inlaw kak ina and her 3 children) in which they tumpang up till kualaKngsar to visit their sick moyang..

and thnx to rafek's smart arrangement (plus his new Exora..hahaha)
the roadtrip became an excellent

roadtrip-wedding-holiday-melawatMoyang- Ber7 Plus a BabyPrem! hahaha

Penang looks like singapore, that was most of what rafek and myself thought of Penang nowadays,

in terms of the high rising apartments resembling the cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan saying,

Penang is much developed and developing day by day..

ive even seen some hotel looking like them miami hotels i watch on CSI-glam! full of neonLights and all..

of course we went to the highlights of penang- ferringhi niteLife aka shoppingStalls by the road, Butterfly farm and of course HardRockHotel ( " ,).

bb ash sharing an iceCream with me after the butterFly Farm -sejuk perut mak pls!


bb ash with his new Baby Pee (aka HR teddy Penang..hehe)..we didnt get the brownines tho, kenyang bangat!


the wedding was something to talk about too!

i believe this was my first time i attended a wedding held in a restaurant which was still open for public..
funny part was, there we were eating the nasi minyak, but we were both mesmerized by the smell of curry served for the customer in the other room..hahaha


bb ash and myself posing on our way back from the weddng, apparently the restaurant is a very popular one, even abah knows about it!(posing my new baju as well..haha)


overall, had a blastin/relaxed/enjoyable 3s-a-company away from home.

speaking from home, the sgBuloh house is under renovation, and once again our family packed Up and move to a new place.

from the day we gotten married till now (tht we have bb ash),
ive always seen home is wherever the heart, soul and body rests..
the first year we got married, we were in bangi, my "bujang" penthouse...

then bb ash cameAlong (and of course with the bibik) so we moved back to my parents house, in to a room in sgBuloh...

and now with the renovation, we r moving again to another room and alhamdulilah slightly bigger (with connecting toilet) wit lotsa cupboard and drawers to fill..

and to be honest, i kinda like having this nomad familyLiving, we r only approaching our 3rd Anniversary together and we've moved 3times...wow!

wonder where will we be next year? mmmmmm.. dubai? paris? sgChua? ( " ,)

wht's tht ma? nak pinjam?? apakah?